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Todays battle

I haven't been consistent engaging but if I'm honest I've been thru a couple days that feel like hell. I'm going thru challenges that none of my past trauma or experienced compared because my baby girl is hurting. My oldest is 11 and I have been an absent parent to an extend I can sit here and name a thousands reasons why. I have been working thru so much pain and trauma in my life that being a mom I failed and now my sweet little girl hates me, I had my first FaceTime with her in a while and it was court mandated and she knew that. The words that my child told me burn and hurt like a thousand fires. I deserve for her to express herself and feel what she needs to know. I know her pain is hers but I also she been influence in a negative way towards me. I hope one day she will hear my truths. When I was 11 years old I had been molested by my father and my mom boyfriend, raped and been thru physical and mental abuse. And by the age of 19 lord I had so much trauma that I didn't realize would affect my whole adulthood. I had my first girl at 21, beautiful girl and loved her the moment I had her in my arms no since I felt her in my tummy but the joy having her in my arms is magical. She grew up without a mom to show her she was the important person in my world along with her sister. And I write this because I started this to be honest and vulnerable so other women don't feel alone when going thru things like I am. As many mistakes I made being my girls mom maybe someone out there can read this and give me advice. Or not feel judge like I do so many times.

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