Breaking down or Breaking thru?

Sometimes it takes breaking completly in order to make a break thru about what is going on in our lives, or that is how it has happen couple times for me but everyone journeys is different. As i had break down once again i have yet to found the reveling answers i need so i am left with the fall back from it, a shaved head YES i mess with my hair but also just tired of it all and with the question: how many times i have to break downs is it going to take for me to finally get my s*** together?, well i dont know because i can't remeber how many i gone thru so far and im only 33. How many more times my life has to fall apart for me to learn the lectures that seems to stare at me?. Also i have learn that i tend to self sabotage which leads back to not doing the right thing or telling myself i will never get it right so why try, Until when will i use this as an excuse to hurt myself and the people who love and count on me. I guess just figured the break thru revelation of my latest break down; Stop repeting the same mistakes, stop thinking i just need to be ok with life because will never really be happy and most important; that i am not capable of having a succesful life where i am a great mother, wife and WOMAN. I got this and not just with words but actions, baby steps because i am one to procrasinate and self sabotage, time to get this right.

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